It was only a moment, but oh how it changed everything, both internally and externally, for years to come.
It was only a moment, but oh how the fear changed to relief; the fear changed to joy; the fear changed to faith.
It was only a moment, but oh how the gratitude so long suppressed was now overflowing with tears, growth, humility and wonder.
It was 1:13 PM on a January day twenty years ago. Prior to this, I lay on the bed in the labor and delivery room waiting to walk to the operating room, 36 weeks pregnant, but needing a C-section due to a complete placenta-previa; my cervix was completely blocked with no way for the baby to be delivered except to do a C-section, something I never expected to have, something I never wanted to have and frankly, in my opinion, something that wasn’t supposed to be a part of my life. After all, I was a nurse; I was a helper; I was always in charge (or thought I was). I never relied on anyone for help like this (or thought I didn’t). I did everything right (or thought I did). Only other people had these types of issues, not me. I wasn’t supposed to have problems like this.
For the seven weeks preceding this day, I lived in complete fear; fear that I was going to die and my other two children, still in diapers, would not have a mother. Fear that the baby would die. I could not shake this fear. I read my Bible. I prayed. I listed to the encouragement of others. I knew the competent doctor had performed thousands of C-sections, yet I was afraid that all would go wrong with me. So, when I had to walk to that other room, it took every ounce of strength and courage I could muster up. I wanted to run away. I had complete fear at 1:00 PM. However, at 1:13 PM, this all changed in a moment. I could not even tell that the doctor and her team had started the procedure, and all of a sudden, I felt a slight tug and then I heard the small, soft, short grunt of the sweet baby girl. RELIEF!!! In that moment, I had complete relief. In that moment, my fear was changed to joy. In that moment, everything changed.
Where did this fear come from? Not sure, but I guess I would say it came from a lack of faith and trust. It came from a heart that wanted to control everything and expected things to go a certain way. It came from a lack of understanding that the events which happen in life are ordered by the Lord, not controlled by us. Yes, we have a certain amount of control with the choices we make, but He commands the wind and the waves, not us; He commands the starry hosts and calls them each by name, not us; He gives life and breath, and all our days are known to Him, not us.
As you can see, the point of this is not at all about the wonderful gift of life, the beautiful baby born that day or the mother who recovered from the C-section. It is not even about how this baby, twenty years old now and the most beautiful daughter you could ever hope to have, a daughter whose faith confronts her mother, a daughter who is a life changer of a person and is a blessing to so many, not just me. The point is that God is greater than our hearts; the point is that God is able; the point is that we can safely trust in Him. The psalms tells us to pour our hearts out to Him. So friend, pour your heart out to Him. The Psalms tell us that he hears the cry of the poor and needy. So friend, cry out to Him. The Psalms tell us that He withholds nothing good from those who walk uprightly. So friend, walk uprightly to honor your Lord.
And the Proverbs tell us that whoever listens to the voice of wisdom will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm. So friend, listen to the voice of wisdom, and the voice of wisdom says, “Fear not, for I am with you.” The voice of wisdom says, “The Lord is my salvation; of whom shall I fear?” The voice of wisdom says, “Is anything too hard for the Lord?” The voice of wisdom says, “Be it done unto me according to thy word.” The voice of wisdom says, “Cast your care on the Lord for he care for you.” And Jesus Himself, ALL WISDOM, says, “Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me, for I am gentle and lowly of heart, and you shall find rest for your souls.” So proclaim the voice of wisdom and pray, “Not my will, Lord, but yours be done.”
What fear do you have today? What concern is causing you lack of sleep? What burden is keeping you from the joy to be had in the knowledge that God is able? What family member, medical condition, emotional turmoil, silent grief…name it; what is keeping you in a state of fear and not relief; in a state of wanting control instead of handing the control over to the Sovereign Lord from your heart? Cry out to God. Don’t wait to hear or see it, like I did. Cry out now and realize that even though you do not see or hear what you want to see or hear at this moment…that God has a plan and a path of righteousness for you. He commands all. Nothing is too hard for the Lord.